I killed Jesus

(Flashback)

Right out there in the Austin air above his eyes I read these words.  

I killed Jesus

Written on a hat that knew him well.

He put the words there with his own hands one letter after another.

And I saw them. Read them like a newly taught reader would. 

So I went up and asked him. Asked him if he really did.

And he said he did. He really did. 

And I believed him.

He told me how his hat made Christians mad. How they'd wave their finger at him and madly snap and mock him. They'd say things like how dare you. And what is wrong with you? And you are going to hell. 

But it confused him, he said,  because the moment he realized he did this, he became a Christian. He held his heart to Jesus and He took it.

...Then everyone else they either see my hat and wonder if maybe they did it too, or they want to high five me and say 'hell yeah'. Some, they really don't say anything, they aren't comfortable.

But for me, I've done a lot of things.

A lot of bad things. 

So yeah, I killed him.

Watch me

She's beautiful. It's been proven.

She stands on the floor close to me and calls out, hey mommy watch me.  I look her way as she spins herself in  a newly thought of fashion and stops. 

Thats awesome Sayla. So good! I love it! I clap in delight. 

It's all she wants. Me to love it. Enjoy her.

She loves to do this and over and over again in my days she calls out to me, watch!  She will jump her two year old self an inch off the ground and them peek my way hoping I caught such a phenomenal move. She smiles delighting in my response, knowing I saw her. She wants me to praise her.

Just last night again, it was,  hey mommy watch me.

 I looked her way. She turned herself around really fast and stopped. By now she knows I will pay attention to her and stop for a second and say wow. And it really is wow because I love her enjoying me enjoying her.

We smile the same love smile. 

She's been doing this for a few months. This see me here, Im doing this for you. I want you to see this. I want you to love this.  Don't miss it.

Makes me think how many times God calls to me in my day.

Hey, Caryl,  watch me!

Parking lot

I was sitting in my Jeep waiting while my husband filled the boat up with gas. I saw her out my window. She was life-kissed, middle sixties, probably. She was dressed in a bright vest with handwritten words all over it that read Jesus is Risen. She wore her hair all wrapped up in a brightly colored scarf. She smiled constantly as she took her dustpan and swept the gas station parking lot. 

I spotted her car. Bumper stickers about Jesus. Dents and Knicks all over it. Old as could be. One you'd find on the side of the road no longer going anywhere.

She hummed as she gathered the litter. Then the gas station doorbell dinged and out stepped hip, thirty or so year old John carrying several bottles of whiskey and two bags of ice. He was dressed in a tuxedo. A wedding, I thought.

She quickly walked to him and as their eyes met she asked him, 'do you know Jesus?  

His arms were full and he picked up speed to get to his car. 

Yes mamam, he said over his shoulder.

He quickly popped his trunk opened  and reached for a cooler.  She traced his steps and soon stood next to him. 

You sure smells good,she told him.

He laughed out loud, smiled, and  dropped a bag of ice. It smashed into tiny pieces and then he poured it in his whiskey bath.

He stopped,reached out his hand to shake hers.

 Name's John, he told her. Nice to meet you.

She smiled wildly. 

They chatted a few minutes. Him and her, in a rundown parking lot, two worlds agreeing to meet.

He wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to her. Then he got in his car and waved goodbye.

Bye John, she said out loud, as she blew a kiss.

He sped off smiling.

I really wish I could run into more Johns. More people that don't pull out their tongue-guns of rage when someone wants to share something with them, even if they are in a hurry and desperate to keep the whiskey on ice. I wish I could know more people that would take moments in between all the needs and deadlines and reach their hand out and touch a heart moment as it happens. I wish I could meet more people in the crowd that even if they don't know Jesus, don't piss and wail if someone wants to talk about Him. Ones who won't protest or stand on the hill of politics and loudly vent.

Ones who will stop and look at the people in the cold, worn parking lots and think, wow  she really loves talking about this. 

Hope the wedding was fun John. 

Know this

In the beginning love has no end